Obsessed

WELL!

It's been absolute ages since my last post -- almost 2 months! But there's a reason, or an excuse rather. I've been obsessed with myself! And in a good way! I have some new loves in my life which I had been ignoring before. As a result, I’ve been focusing on these things and just ignoring my blog. So I apologize and I’ll try to be better about writing.

Here are my loves (aka my obsessions):

• Couch to 5K – I’ve been following this podcast to get myself into running shape, enough to run a 5k in 9 weeks. I’m on week 4 and moving steadily along! My first 5k is this coming Saturday (which I’m choosing to walk), but then on June 17th, I’ll actually be running that one! And it feels great. I’m starting to feel like the runner I was before.
• Food/Dieting blogs – Since deciding to get healthy, I am on the constant search to read about other people’s weigh loss struggles and also to read their recipes and tips. It helps with the motivation!
• Books – I can finally read guilt-free again as the sales season comes to a close. And have I ever been reading! It’s a good escape.
• Being crafty – In addition to reading, I’m getting in touch with my crafty side. Just finished an embroidery project, working on sewing next. I love it!

I think that may be it! The list seems short, but it definitely is taking up a bit of time. I’m a happier girl for sure!

Just forget the world...

The band Snow Patrol sings a line in one of their songs that I just love: “If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world.”

As far back as I can remember, if I was unhappy or upset or mad, it has always helped to just lie down. When I was younger, my grandmother, Narnny, would always say, “let’s go upstairs and lie down for just a few minutes.” I would protest and claim that I was already too old for naps, but she would promise that it would only be for a few minutes. Yet, somehow she knew that a nap or simply to lay there was just what I needed. And sleep I would. Later after waking up, I would ask how long she had lain there with me. She would smile and reply that it was just a few minutes and then I had fallen asleep.

On Sunday, my brother told me that he is joining the army to complete EMT training through one of their programs. I know that a lot of men and women join the army, but this just hit me hard – it’s my brother. I just couldn’t stomach the news and didn’t sleep very well that night, since my mind was racing with all those horrible what-ifs.

Monday dawned bright and early for me, but as I told my mother, I was just stupid. I tried to go to campus, but returned home shortly feeling deflated and not quite sure what to do with myself. I called my mom and she suggested I lay down for a few minutes. She told me that she had done that herself on Saturday night (after she had heard the news) and that solace of laying there had somehow made it seemingly better for the moment.

I lay down on my bed and soon after drifted off to sleep. Hours later I woke up and although my head and heart kept thinking about Seth, somehow my perspective changed during that nap. I’ve come to terms with his decision and know that everything happens according to God’s plan. I need to trust in him and know that he is in control.

For some reason, it helps to simply lie down for a few minutes or more. Whether I’m lying there awake, silently crying, or fast asleep in a matter of minutes, there is something soothing about lying there, just to forget about the world.

Just a phone call away

One of my closest friends is a gal that first arrived on my school bus when I was in the 8th grade and she was in 7th. Although our friendship didn't quite bloom until we were in high school, I happily count her as one of the people (outside of my family) who knows and understands me the best.

Since one of my biggest faults is the fact that I don't like calling people or really returning phone calls in general, I need friends who are similar. That being said, a friend that I can call after any length of time and be able to pick up where we left off, is the ideal mate for me. Which is exactly why my friendship with B is so perfect.

B called me this afternoon to check on me and see if I was ok since she had heard from another friend of our's that I am unhappy with my job. I basically answered the phone to hear her blurting out, "OMG, it's been too long, what is going on with your job I hear you're unhappy and I need to know everything about it."

After we caught up and chatted about work and life and being grown-ups, we hung up with promises to see one another soon. Even if I didn't spend the afternoon with her or talk to her for more than a half hour, I love her even more for calling me to find out what is going on in my life, the more negative aspect. Plus, she got it. She completely understood why I'm unhappy and encouraged me to look elsewhere to find a workplace where I'll be happier. It's nice to be thought of, considered, and appreciated for who I am. I just love friends like that!

I'll be missing you a "latte"

So I’ve made a decision. And I need you, my readers, to hold me accountable. Here goes:

I’ve just bought my last cup of coffee.

Sigh. I’ve said it. I am sitting here in Starbucks, a place I’ve found all over the world to be one of familiarity and comfort. NO MORE. I’m doing a little experiment for my wallet and not.purchasing.coffee.from.anywhere. Well, to be more specific, I won’t be purchasing a cup of coffee from a coffee shop. Rather, I will be seen buying it at the grocery store in bulk and making it for myself at home.

I realize that sometimes it’s not just one coffee purchase a day. Sometimes it’s 2...or…well, no need for a full confession here. You get the point. Travelling around like I do will make this difficult as a medium-iced-french-vanilla-with-extra-cream-and-2-splenda makes a great companion for those hour plus drives. Luckily, sometimes I get one with my corporate card to count as a “snack/refreshment” while I’m on the road. Being the lonely rep girl, I tend to use coffee as an excuse for me to be out and about wherever I find myself. And yet, I don’t need the excuse of coffee to get out, I just need ME! And my two legs. I can make a coffee at home, use those lovely “to go” cups that I buy and then march myself out my front door and go for a walk. Plus! All of the hotels I stay at either have free coffee in the lobby or coffeemakers in the room itself complete with to-go cups. So next time we hangout, unless you’re treating, this gal will be coffee purchase free. Sigh. It’s a little hard to say, even if I am just writing it.

Ironically, my biggest encouragement will come from the enemy itself. After all, it is Dunkin’ Donuts who says:

YOU ‘KIN DO IT!

Making new friends, with new faces, in new places

One of my favorite quotes that I’ve heard, well read -on the side of a Starbucks coffee cup – comes from Augusten Burroughs. I think I love it because it has been the theme of my very big changes in life. He said:

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just have to say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

Because really? How does anyone meet anyone? I struggled with this when I moved to London and again when I moved to the Country. There MUST be someone out there who is just like me, laughs at my jokes, and who I love to spend time with. I suppose you could join a church like I have, write a note like Neighbor did and then meet friends of your new friends. Which I suppose is exactly what I’m trying to do.

On Friday night I had dinner with Neighbor and Friend, plus Friend’s GF (note previous post about Neighbor – I mention Friend there). Neighbor told me afterwards that he doesn’t know the two we dined with very well, but we still laughed and had fun. Friend’s sister came over and chatted with Friend, GF, and me. She then ended up chatting with just me and GF for a while, then she went back to her table of friends. Then yesterday when I was in line at Starbucks, in walks Friend’s sister. On my way out, I said hello to her. She remembered me (which was nice!) and we chatted for a few. Turns out she doesn’t even know Neighbor, but at least now she knows me! I don’t think we’ll become bffs, but that’s not the point really. I could at least say hello to someone in the market square that I knew and that is really exciting.

When I first moved to the Country, I spoke to a friend of mine from the City, who had moved to a midwestern city. He was from the midwest, but hadn’t lived there since before college. He asked me if I had made any friends yet. Of course I hadn’t, which I admitted. When I asked him (mind you, he had moved a year prior to this conversation) if he had, he said that he hadn’t really. And then we talked about how one makes friends, or rather, not making friends. Even Neighbor talked about how hard it is to make friends in this lovely country town that I moved to. And he's lived here for just about 6 years. I suppose pretty soon I'll have too many friends and then I'll be complaining about not having any time to myself.

I’m getting there, with each person that I see, recognize, and who recognizes me in the market square. And just think, perhaps the next person that I meet in the market square who knows me...just might be my Beloved. Saying hi is definitely worth that possibility.

Still life

I’ve decided that my favorite time of day in my new town is the early morning hours on a Saturday or Sunday. This past weekend, although still March, brought warm temperatures and daylight savings time. Early Saturday I headed out early and found the stillness and quiet downtown was so calming, it made me pause on the street to merely look around and enjoy the moment. Similarly, on Sunday morning I headed out early to grab coffee and bagels for my guests and as I rounded the corner at the town square, I was hit with the same feeling. It was slightly overcast, but a warm breeze moved through the air. And even though I couldn’t see a soul anywhere, there were signs that people had been around. Remnants of the previous evening revelries were strewn about and yet, the town never looked more beautiful or peaceful. I just wanted to stand there and keep everything as it is. If I had been in a movie, I would have stood there, while time-lapsed photography moved people, cars, and dogs around me at a fast pace while life went on. But in that moment, it was just me, standing there.

The morning reminded me of an Edward Hopper painting, which fittingly, is called "Sunday Morning." The whole downtown square is brick and rather old; quaint shops line the streets, along with little cafes, and can get very busy, especially when the weather gets warmer. And yet, in that moment, the street looked like this:

There have only been a few times in my life where I have been able to step back and truly observe the moment I’m currently living – to be an outsider looking in at my life. Even if Hopper’s paintings are considered lonely at times, I didn’t feel alone or lonely. Standing in the empty marketplace, remembering other marketplaces I have stood in while in various parts of the world, I just felt like I was at home. And home is a place where one belongs.

Snow day!

Since my last post was so long...this one will be short.

I think my favorite part of yesterday's snow storm wasn't the fact that all the colleges around me were cancelled or that I got a lot of work done or that I made this amazing shrimp pasta salad...

It was that here in the country, people wear snowpants around when it has actually been (and still is) snowing. I headed out early in the morning to shovel and get a coffee and contemplated wearing my snowpants since I have them at my apartment, but didn't. I thought I would look silly, but instead, I was the only one walking around not wearing them. And I love that about the country. Sure, people in the city had snowpants, but you never saw them. Instead, I was the oddball not wearing mine. I was sure to put them on later when I ventured out again. I'm definitely getting used to (and loving) this country lifestyle.